Have you ever worked for a boss you couldn’t stand? Were you willing to go out of your way for them or did you resent them for how they treated you or for their unrealistic expectations?
Running a household is like being a boss or CEO. A good boss can’t do everything without delegating tasks, but the employees either respect the boss’s guidance or resent the boss’s requests. The same can go for your husband. If you’re barking orders at him out of frustration, he’s going to shut down and not want to help. The opposite is true if you praise and appreciate him because he’ll be willing to continue to help so he can make you happy.
Stress can get the best of everyone, and it can start to affect relationships. So how do you stop yourself from getting frustrated when you think your spouse isn’t doing enough? You date him.
You may think I’m crazy at this point because why would you want to date the person who is causing you all of the grief and headache? Well, I say this because you fell in love with him in the first place by dating him, and it’s time to remember that spark, light it, and turn it into a full blown explosion.
First and foremost, you need to make your dates intentional. These need to be put in your calendar like an appointment, and you need to treat them like an important doctor’s appointment. If you had a serious illness, you wouldn’t blow off a treatment. Well, your marriage is ill, and you need to heal it, so do not blow off your scheduled dates. If you don’t physically mark it in your calendars, you’re likely to forget, so be sure to mark it down as soon as it’s planned.
Dates do not need to be fancy, and you don’t even need a babysitter. The goal is not to spend money or be extravagant; it’s to rekindle the connection between the two of you. Yes, a movie night is ok, but I suggest activities that require talking, which then leads to laughter, and that leads to kisses, and then … well, you know.
My husband and I enjoy these date nights:
- Phase 10 (our favorite card game) – We keep a book of all of our scores, and I write notes about how he cheats. 🙂 He doesn’t really, but how does he win almost every time?!
- Dr. Mario on Nintendo – It’s a fun competition, but we can also chat as we kill the viruses. When we rain down on each other because of the double viruses, we like to give one another a hard time jokingly.
- Mini Golfing – There’s just something cute about it, and we cheer on each other while also being cut throat.
- Dinner and Drinks – Sometimes it’s nice to escape the kid chatter at the table for a nice glass of wine and overpriced steak that you didn’t have to prepare.
- Alexa Music Trivia – Ask Alexa to play Music Trivia and then you pick genres. Not only do you get a fun blast from the past, but you have a lot of laughs when your brain can sing the song but can’t name the title or artist (unless of course it’s 90’s Boy Bands…Bye, Bye, Bye!)
- Wheel of Fortune – We find old YouTube videos of Wheel of Fortune episodes and play along. Whoever gets the puzzle first wins. We also make fun of the contestants because they have way too much energy or make the silliest guesses! (Sorry to any former WoF contestants!)
- The Newlywed Game – The old episodes on YouTube are not only hysterical because of their hair styles and fashion, but the host is so mean to the contestants, and it’s like they don’t even know it! We each get a piece of paper and write our answers when the host asks the questions. Then when the spouses come out to share their guesses, we reveal our answers. It’s neat to see how well we know each other (or don’t in some cases!).
If all of this is just too much for your life right now, then feed the kids some microwaved meal earlier in the evening and get them to bed while you enjoy a fancier meal. Thank goodness for Uber Eats or Door Dash! You can even skip dinner and send everyone to bed early, ya now? (wink, wink)
If you’re not going on a date, do the little things you used to do to win him over. My husband and I send flirty texts to each other all of the time. We will leave little cute notes randomly around the house. Nothing causes a bigger smile from me than finding a punny joke he put in my coffee grounds for me to find.
Dating each other doesn’t just benefit the two of you. It also shows a daughter what to look for in a future husband and how to treat him well and be treated well. It also shows a son the importance of taking care of his future wife and how to be a gentleman. We tell our kids we’re going on a date, we tell each other we love one another in front of them, and we always give random hugs. It’s important they know a strong marriage is the foundation of a solid family.
Next time you’re frustrated with your husband, pause the screams and push play on the snuggling. You’ll remember how he wooed you in the first place and will fall in love (and even harder this time) all over again.
