Have you tried to delegate household tasks to your family but never seem to have much success? Family Meetings are a game changer and will help you work together as a unit, communicate better with one another, and create solutions to problems as they arise.

What is a Family Meeting?

Family meeting are just what they sound like. Every member of the family comes together to discuss a problem, upcoming events, or news that needs to be shared. When holding Family Meetings for the first few time, it can feel a little awkward, but it gets much easier with practice, and the benefits of them definitely pay off.

What do you do at a Family Meeting?

At your very first Family Meeting, you need to set norms. Norms are expectations that everyone will follow during the meeting. They hold one another accountable to be sure the meetings are as productive and positive as possible. I highly suggest the following norms, but each family is different, so feel free to adapt them so they work best for you.

1. No electronics (with the exception of reviewing a digital calendar). If that is the case, only the person reviewing it may use the electronic device just for that purpose.
2. Everyone is honest with one another. Part of this process is to share feelings and needs, so everyone has to be willing to talk openly about both.
3. Everyone needs to be actively listening to all parties. Focus on what others are saying. Be empathetic to their needs and concerns. Wait until the speaker is done talking before you speak. This will prevent interruptions.
4. Use calm voices. Sometimes it is hard to hear others’ thoughts or to share frustrating feelings. The key is to speak calmly. Once the situation gets escalated, all productivity goes out the window because you can’t reason with emotions.
5. Everyone in the family contributes. No matter the age (with the exception of newborns to age 2), everyone can leave the meeting having contributed in some way. Just be sure the task and conversation are appropriate for everyone involved.

How do you structure a Family Meeting?

My family holds meetings very regularly. Sometimes they last three minutes to get a pulse on life, and other times they last an hour as we make a plan to solve a problem. We use the following approach when problem solving. I will use doing the dishes as an example.

1. Define the problem. If you are fed up with dirty dishes in the sink while the dishwasher sits there empty on a regular basis, talk about how that can be improved.
2. Discuss how everyone can contribute to solving the problem. If everyone is old enough to wash off their plate and put it in the dishwasher, then that is what everyone needs to do. If one member is too young to do that, at least teach them how to take their plate to the sink until they’re old enough to reach the water to rinse off their plate.
3. Discuss reinforcers. It’s human nature to do things that are beneficial to us. Reinforcers are rewards we get that motivate us to do something. As the person holding the Family Meeting, your reinforcer is getting help with the dirty dishes and the task being shared among everyone. Your kids and/or husband, however, are probably not bothered by the dishes in the sink or you wouldn’t need to have the Family Meeting. Because of this, they will need to identify something beneficial to them that they will get when they successfully complete the dishes. In order for the reinforcer to work, it must be something valuable and motivating. They then must get it immediately after the task is complete. I will be doing a whole blog on behavior with more specific examples at a later time, so check back for that.
4. Identify next steps. When you leave the Family Meeting, everyone should have a clear idea of their responsibility and how they’re going to complete their tasks. If anyone is not fully aware of what they are to do to solve the problem, they need to be sure to ask clarifying questions. This is where Norms #2 and #4 are important (be honest and stay calm). You may be frustrated and think they weren’t listening if they need clarification or ask questions, but remember, this is new to them. In order for them to complete the task correctly, they may need more details or repeated instructions. Give them grace, and take your time answering anything they need. By being calm, they will have the confidence to honestly say they don’t understand. When you answer calmly, they will feel comfortable enough to talk to you about other things at other times because you did not have judgment during Family Meetings. 
5. Schedule a follow-up Family Meeting to reflect and give feedback. This follow-up allows the family to take a pulse on the initial plan. If it is not working, tweak it. Did the kids successfully rinse the plates before putting them in the dishwasher? If the dishes are coming out dirty, share that with them, and reshow them how to properly rinse off the dishes. Did you stick to giving the reinforcement? If not, talk about it and admit you need to do better and will make a plan to be sure they are reinforced when they complete their task. Situations can’t get better without evaluating how they are or are not working. If everything is successful at this follow-up meeting, celebrate that together! As a bonus, reward everyone with something special!

How often should we hold Family Meetings?

I recommend holding one Family Meeting at least once a month just to come together as a family to be on the same page. Our family holds them very regularly (weekly), but sometimes they are only 5-10 minutes to discuss the upcoming week and meal planning. Sundays are common for us because that’s a typical reset day for us to look at our schedule and when I plan meals. Again, Family Meetings need to be customized for what works for you and your family. If you would be interested in my help to get started or would like my help to guide you along the way, I would love to assist. Contact me here to discuss further.

If you want to get help around the house, the best way to start is with Family Meetings. The whole family will be more productive, communicate better, build trust, argue less, and work together as a team to help the household run smoothly.