When we’ve been betrayed or hurt by someone, we want to hear that person tell us they’re “sorry.” The typical response from people when they’re given an apology is, “It’s ok.” But is it? Is it ok that someone did something to hurt us, whether it was intentional or not? Instead of saying, “It’s ok” perhaps we should say, “You’re forgiven.” Forgiveness is a powerful, but sometimes seemingly impossible, thing to give.
Forgiveness starts at such a young age, and it seems to be pretty easy to forgive your best friend for stealing the Barbie you were about to play with. A few words are exchanged about how that hurt each other’s feelings, and then you move on with dressing up for the big dinner party Ken is having. Forgiveness in middle school is pretty much non-existent. When a tween betrays another, there’s no going back…until tomorrow. Then the BFF’s reunite because they just simply forget. But as we grow and become adults, why is forgiveness so hard? We do the opposite of forget. We hold grudges, and instead of talking things out, we feel betrayed and can even push away a person we love.
I’ve had my heart broken in ways I never thought would be possible by people whom I never thought would be the cause of it. I’ve struggled with so many questions as I tried to grow through this pain, and I realized that I am no better than those who have wronged me. I may never have made amends with those who hurt me, but in my heart, I have forgiven them.
I was unable to find this forgiveness on my own, as it took a lot of spiritual growth through my faith. The Bible is full of amazing acts of forgiveness, but there are also so many stories of betrayal and hurt. Reading these unimaginable stories has made me reflect a lot on people’s actions toward me and mine toward others. I’m definitely not saying that in my heart of hearts I can forgive any situation with no problem. I read about these stories of murder in today’s society and how the families forgive the culprit who took away a loved one’s life. I know I would struggle forever with this, and I cannot surely say I’d ever achieve it. I am not that strong right now.
I am strong enough now, though, to tell myself that if someone is intentionally hurting me or my family, it is ok to give yourself the permission to remove them from your life. If someone is preventing you from growing, there is no need to keep them around. We need to not only cleanse our minds and bodies, but also our souls. The poison of betrayal does not have a space in our system.
In my opinion, there are two types of hurt—intentional and accidental. I am a believer that people, including ourselves, do the best they can in the situation at that moment. There are, however, those who intentionally refuse to change a hurtful behavior or refuse to admit their wrongdoings. This is where I have chosen to remove these people from my life. If someone says they are sorry, in my opinion, that means they will change the behavior and never do it again because they recognize their wrongdoing. We all make these mistakes; it’s how we recover from them that matter.
Forgiveness is not only for others, but it is for ourselves. We place so many expectations on ourselves, and when we don’t reach our goals, we are not always forgiving. I have failed so many times repeatedly in my life. Specifically, my weight is my nemesis. There are days I dominate my diet and workout routine, feeling amazing mentally and physically. Then there are days that I epically fail, binge eating all the things from our pantry and skipping my workout, waking up the next day full of regret. I could give up completely and accept defeat, but instead, I need to grant myself grace and forgive myself. But as I mentioned above, I can’t tell myself sorry and not make a change. So each setback I have is a little less than the last. Each workout I do is a little better than the last. I am not where I want to be physically, but I am working on where I want to be mentally, which will in turn help my overall health.
At the end of the day, we all falter. We all fall. We all need to pick ourselves and others up. Offer your forgiveness, make a change, and push forward.
