The 15th anniversary gift is crystal, a delicate glass that goes through intricate steps to become a beautiful piece. When dropped, it shatters. When put together, it rings a glorious tone. We don’t do the traditional celebrations, but I can remember the clinking of our crystal champagne flutes like it was yesterday. Ringing in the excitement of what’s to come.
I feel like it was just a few weeks ago that I randomly showed up at this kid’s house to wish him well on his military deployment to Iraq. 20 years old with not a care in the world, I was always up for new adventures. But the second I saw him, I knew it was no chance meeting. I knew this was a lifetime adventure. I knew this was a change worth undergoing.
Isn’t it funny how as teenagers, we celebrated how many weeks we dated someone? We thought, “Maybe this is the one,” but deep down, I always knew that wasn’t true. They always talked about “the spark” and how “you’ll just know.” And I never knew what that meant, until I locked eyes with him. Instant chemistry.
He immediately made my heart jump. He made me laugh. He made me wonder who he is with his mysterious side smile. But most of all, he made me totally confused about how I could possibly see him again when he was leaving for war. How could I be so sad to see someone I literally met hours before go into a battlefield? Selfishly, I knew I couldn’t let him go without being sure he knew we were going to see each other again. I needed him to know that this was the beginning of lifting the fog and turning it into an element that is clear and breathtaking.
And so putting my AIM screen name on his VIP list was the beginning of it all. It was the beginning of him knowing I will push boundaries. It was the beginning of me testing his patience. It was the beginning of the two of us starting a life together full of change, trials, experiments, and successes.
Jump ahead 18 years, and here we are with 15 years of marriage under our belt; two amazingly beautiful-souled children in our hearts and home; and a myriad of tears, heartbreak, anxieties, and woes. But behind every one of those losses, arguments, and downfalls, we had each other to bandage the wounds; fill the cracks of the foundation we built through blood, sweat, and tears; and pick each other up when we couldn’t possibly find our feet.
We’ve lost loved ones, dignity, hope, and pride. We’ve questioned huge decisions involving parenting, work, and each other. We’ve gone head-to-head on the most simplistic issues. We’ve stayed up in the wee hours of the morning wondering what to do next. And the one thing that has never let us down is knowing that no matter what we hurdle, the other will be on the other side to cushion the landing. The other will be there to help us ring proudly like a ting from crystal.
But it’s funny because it wasn’t always this way. We were young and selfish, and quite honestly, we didn’t know who we were yet. There wasn’t a doubt in our minds that we chose right, but there were a lot of moments of trying to figure out how we fit into each other’s metamorphosis. Sometimes we wanted to be in our own ugly cocoon to feel safe and escape the reality in which we created. Other times we needed each other’s magnificent wings to help us take our first flight and to trust. Trust that the chances are worth it. Trust that the other will be there to witness us soar. And trust that they will catch us as we grow tired of holding ourselves up. And as we found our own selves, we grew into one unit that just seemed to be made for each other. One unit that transformed together.
If one cracks, the other is picking up the pieces. If one is empty, the other is pouring into them.
Marriage isn’t perfect, but by definition it is “a combination or mixture of two or more elements.” Marriage takes the abstract parts of two people and creates a beautiful chemistry. There are transformations, positives and negatives, and energies of all kinds. But at the end of the day, that “spark” is what keeps us going. Keeps us ready for the next experiment. Keeps us trying with each failure. And keeps us knowing that forever isn’t promised, but together forever is. And that is something worth raising our crystal glasses for.
