In the past several months, I have faced many disappointments. I’m not talking the regular everyday type. I’m looking down the barrel of disappointments that shook up my world in ways that caused exorbitant amounts of tears, heartbreak, and questioning. I’m in an extremely unusual time in my life where I have to make decisions that go against what I spent most of my adult life building. With all of that being said, I also carry around a high level of anxiety because of the perfectionism I battle each day. See, when things don’t go the way a perfectionist has planned, there’s a huge struggle emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.
But the thing is, these battle wounds are starting to heal. With each passing day, the wounds close a little bit more, creating a scar that symbolizes faith, strength, and humbleness. When we’re in the middle of our darkness, we can’t see the light. It feels like a never ending tunnel that we keep running through, groping the sides of the walls, fumbling through the pitch black, trying to grasp the tiny gleam we caught a glimpse of. But oftentimes the light is too dim or too far away for us to reach, so we end up stumbling, falling, and becoming more disoriented. Sometimes we think we’re heading the right way, only to realize we need to turn around, and any leeway we gained has been lost. But a tunnel has a way in, and a tunnel has a way out, so although the trip through it can be long and lonely, the light eventually becomes closer and brighter.
When we are finally close enough to the rays we’ve been chasing, the loneliness starts to melt away. The brightness we’ve longed for starts to warm the chill that encompasses our bones. But most of all, the emptiness that surrounds our hearts starts to fill. The longer we stay in the light—the more we realize that we weren’t alone. Quite the contrary. We were surrounded by the greatest love of all, which sometimes teaches us suffering to soften our hearts. It puts us through hatred to love harder. It knocks us to our knees to be humbled.
At the end of the day, I’m learning new lessons. Sometimes the hard way. But what I’m really learning is that this path I’m on is winding. The journey I’m on is not final. And I’m starting to accept the ride because I know greater things are coming as I continue on my travels…even if I did not map out the route.
