Today is all about resurrection. It’s the season of Christ coming back from the dead. Symbolically, society is also coming back from a year of being in the grave. My soul has been feeling more alive and hopeful knowing we are able to visit loved ones again and go outside in the nicer weather.
I’ve recently been feeling better emotionally because of this, which has given me motivation to take care of myself physically. COVID has done a lot of damage to me, and I’m sure others, but it’s something we don’t really talk about. Sure, we continuously say how important self-care is, but I really haven’t heard the hard truths from others. Maybe I’m one of the few who has struggled as much as I did and still am.
Don’t get me wrong. I have enjoyed slowing down and being with my family so much. That was one of the perks of quarantine; however, there has been a fear within me that has caused me to slowly decay. With every choice I’ve made outside of my comfort zone, I waited 14 days for symptoms of COVID in me or someone I love. This worry has been a ripple effect.
We isolated in order to keep everyone healthy. This caused us to miss our extended family. Work has been extra overwhelming. I have no escape for “me time.” I masked my feelings with food and wine. I am a stress eater. I enjoy wine. The combination has not been good for me. It’s cyclical. I’m stressed. I make bad choices. This causes me to be more stressed.
I have put on over 20 lbs. since last summer. I look at pictures and realize how unhappy I am with my physique but tell myself that my family is taken care of. My family comes first, but that comes with a price tag. The cost is my health.
With each pair of pants I try to put on, I frustratingly rip them off and try a different one, finding pair after pair don’t fit. I love shopping but only when I like what I see in the mirror. I refuse to purchase anything new because I am determined to make a change.
The sun is now shining, and along with it, so is my heart. I’m beginning to break out of the winter blues. It’s not that I’m conceited. Yes, I like to look nice, but it’s so much more. I don’t feel good when I’m where I am. I have been struggling with the winter. Feeling physically good makes my mental state better. I can do more when I’m fit. I have a sense of accomplishment with each workout.
So here we go. I’ve been here many times before, but never during a pandemic. I will take this motivation and run with it. Literally. I will fight my never ending battle of the bulge. I will focus on the journey. I will remind myself that this is a process. It’s time to be renewed. It’s time to bring my soul back to life. It’s time to resurrect the person I can be and enjoy the good things coming ahead.
